Can't Help My Broken Heart
by Insane Humanoid
Summary: Bella is depressed and alone when Edward leaves. She has resorted to drugs and self harm. Character death warning! RATED M FOR DRUG ABUSE AND SELF HARM! You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

It has been four months since _he_ had left me alone in the forest behind my house. Four months of depression. Four months of emptiness. My life has gone downhill rapidly in this time. It hurt too much to think about _them_ so I had to find certain ways of coping. I have found only two ways.

Drugs.

And cutting.

I have taken many drugs to help; they allow me to think about him and the others without the deep, hollow feeling in my chest making its self known.

My favourite drug is cocaine. I inject it into my left arm, the crease of my elbow is dotted with needle puncture marks. At times I sniff it but I get a bigger effect by injecting it.

My stash of drugs has grown rapidly since I started using drugs. Marijuana, cannabis, ecstasy, heroin, LSD and crystal meth. All the drugs that help. _He_ would never approve. But this is what I have resorted to.

It's his fault.

All this time and Charlie is none the wiser that I'm sneaking illegal drugs into his house. Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't caught me yet – I do it often enough. He hasn't noticed that he is short on money either, the money I use to buy my little pieces of heaven.

As if the drugs weren't enough to satisfy my needs. Both of my wrists, my right forearm and beneath my collarbone on the left side are littered with cuts. Large and small, deep and shallow. I don't know why I do it, but it helps. Charlie doesn't know about this either. But it hurts emotionally too much not to do this.

It's his fault.

So here I am. Sitting on my bedroom floor with everything I need.

Razor.

Syringe.

Bandages.

Everything I need. I pick up the syringe full of cocaine, preparing to inject myself and have a happy feeling for a little while and forget all my worries and bad memories.

_Bella, don't be stupid, you promised._

Edward's voice echoes around in my head, scolding me for doing something reckless when I said I wouldn't. That was then, this is now. And I need this.

With precision that I have acquired from months of practice, I skilfully insert the needle into my arm and push the drug into my blood stream.

_Please don't do this._

Edward's pained voice rang in my ears.

"I can't help it," I said out loud as if he was there it talk to, "You left and I need to do this."

The drug started to take effect. I feel on top of the world. I remember that Edward used to love me, kiss me and hold me close. The rest of the family loved me too, we had so much fun and had great times. I love being able to think about them without it hurting.

My happy feeling started to dwindle and I came crashing back to reality again. I discarded the empty syringe and made sure Charlie would not find it my wrapping it in what looks like a used tissue.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. I took a look at my scarred wrist, my throat swelled up with emotion and longing for Edward and his family and my eyes started to water. Picking up the little razor blade, I prepared to once again make a slit in my thin, almost transparent skin when I heard Charlie's police cruiser pull into the driveway.

I panicked, Charlie cannot find out about this, he already tried to send me back to my mother, but I wasn't having it – I threw a temper tantrum like a three year old child – so Charlie let me stay.

I scooped up my blades and shoved them into the top drawer of my dresser – Charlie would never look there.

After making sure they were completely 'invisible', I trudged out of my bedroom and down the stairs to make Charlie's dinner.

"Hey Bells, what's for -" Charlie stopped short when he saw me. I'm not sure what I looked like, I have not looked in the mirror in a while.

My attitude, appearance and way of life have changed dramatically over four months. The only time I smile is when I'm on drugs and can think without pain, even then it's not real, fake happiness never compares to reality. But my reality sucks. Depression over comes me all the time. If Charlie asks me something I reply in the shortest possible way, always avoiding eye contact, I cannot bare to see the sorrow and sadness in his eyes when he sees how I have changed – in his opinion – for the worst.

It is the same at school. My grades have fallen and I am now falling all of my subjects. I no longer have any friends and no one talks to me. I have a new reputation around there – "Emo Kid". I completely understand why they call me that and it does not bother me. This is who I am now. No person or vampire can change that.

"Never mind Bella, I'll just order pizza." Charlie said, he came over to me and asked me to look at him. I did before he continued, "Bella. I have news for you." He paused. I could see him struggling inside his head like he was trying to phrase what he was trying to say correctly, "Okay, here it is. The Cullen's are back."

My whole world came crashing down instantly. The tears gathered quickly behind my eyes and my breathing became heavy and I started to hyperventilate slightly. My knees buckled beneath me and I fell to the floor, the tears overflowed and I started to cry.

Charlie knew well not to intervene and leave me alone while I poured out my heart, here on the kitchen floor.

They can't be back. He said that he did not love me and that they didn't either. I can't do this anymore. I ran upstairs and grabbed my bag and threw my blades into it. I pulled on my black skull sweat bands onto my scarred wrists. The rest of my cuts were covered my black clothing – my knee length black gypsy skirt with over the knee black socks and black flats. My deep, midnight blue corset-like top is covered with my black short cardigan.

Rushing down stairs I headed for the front door and to my truck. Charlie yelled something to me from the front door but I didn't hear him as I was so focused on my destination.

I pushed my old truck as fast as it would go. As I got closer to the turnoff I pressed my foot even harder on the gas pedal, causing my old truck to splutter and choke. I found the turnoff as easily as if the last time I was here was just yesterday.

I came to a sudden stop at the end of the driveway. In the garage of the huge mansion, were all of the cars I remember – the yellow Porche, the black Mercedes, the Jeep and the red convertible, lined up as if they were there all the time.

The large ball of emotion swelled in my throat once again but stronger this time. I hopped out of my truck and walked slowly towards the house I remember so well.

I reached the bottom of the porch steps when I heard the front door swing open.

**A.N. reviews wanted please. Hope you enjoyed.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Bella!" Alice shouted excitedly, running towards me.

I couldn't help my natural reaction. I screamed and jumped backwards slightly, afraid of her being so close to me.

Alice froze when she saw how I reacted, confusion written all over her face.

"What's wrong Bella?" She asked me. Alice took a careful step towards me; I instantly took one step back to counter it.

The rest of the Cullen's came out to see what was going on. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths to calm myself down.

They can't be here, I thought, he said they were never coming back.

I lifted my head to see them all staring at me.

It took all the courage I had but I final had enough to ask them the question I so badly wanted an answer to, "Why are you here?" my voice shaking with emotion.

They looked at each other before Esme answered, "Well we do live here Bella, dear. Why don't you come in? We have all missed you so much." She smiled warmly at me, obviously trying not to shock me as Alice did.

Biting my lower lip I as thought about it, I slowly nodded my head and started walking forward warily.

The Cullen family walked in ahead of me while Esme took into stride beside me, I glanced at her but otherwise kept my attention on the ground.

Esme led me to the sofas where the rest of the family were sitting. They all stared at me before Carlisle spoke.

"How have you been Bella?" He asked.

"If I may say before you answer that question, you seem a bit agitated being here." Jasper said as he picked up my haywire emotions.

"I think I should just start from the beginning if that's ok, otherwise you will not understand?" I requested.

Carlisle replied, "Of course, go ahead."

I took another deep calming breath before I began my recollection of the four months of hell.

"When you left, I was broken, alone. You left and I just couldn't comprehend it in my mind. When Edward left me in the forest he told me not to do anything reckless or stupid, but, I found that when I did I heard his voice in my head. It was like he where actually there telling me not to do anything ridiculous. I had to find ways of hearing him. I ended up doing some really stupid stuff, but it was worth it to hear his voice."

I looked up at their faces and all held the same expression - shock and curiosity.

"What did you do Bella? You said you had to do stupid and ridiculous things to hear Edward, what did you do?" Esme asked.

"I resorted to self harm and -" I was cut off mid-sentence by their simultaneous response.

"What!?" The whole family shouted. I recoiled in fear and guilt.

"Bella, in what way did you hurt yourself?" Being a doctor Carlisle immediately came over to me. I refused to look at him. Tears started to form in my eyes and were threatening to spill over.

Sniffling, I said, "I'll show you." I regretted this already, but they had to know what they put me through.

Slowly I took of my skull wrist band to reveal my scarred wrists. Gasps echoed around the room at the sight they saw. Carlisle grabbed my right wrist and examined it, tilting it to get a better view at different angles.

The tears spilled from my eyes just as Edward asked, "Do you cut yourself anywhere else?"

I looked at him for the first time since I arrived. I nodded my head, "Yes."

"Where?" He demanded.

"Edward, don't be rude." Esme scolded.

"You really want to know Edward? Well, I'll show." I said boldly. Taking my wrist out of Carlisle's gentle grasp I slipped my cardigan off my shoulders, stood up and started to lift my top over and off my head.

The scars on my body were extremely prominent. I have lost a lot of weight in four months. I never eat so I have become anorexic and all of my bones are more outstanding than they used to be too.

I must have fallen asleep the last time I cut myself because I could see the dry blood streak running down my chest, between my breasts and down my pale, slim stomach. Actually I think I passed out form blood loss rather than falling asleep.

"Sorry about the dried blood, I must have fainted from blood loss the last time I …" I trailed off lowering my head, my long, mahogany hair falling over my shoulders and shielding my face on both sides.

"How could you do that to yourself Bella? I never thought you would do something so stupid as to do this to your body." Edward yelled at me. This only made me angry and I started to scream at him.

"Edward you left me! You left me alone in the forest! I was broken and alone and I couldn't help myself! I needed release and the only way I could do that is by cutting my body and taking drugs!" I instantly slammed my hand over my mouth, but the damage was already done.

"Well, yeh, now you know. I have had to use drugs." I said half heartedly to them.

"B –Bella, does your father know about any of this? The cutting or the drugs?" Esme questioned me.

"No. He does not know anything of this. Actually I'm pretty surprised that he hasn't, I mean he is a police officer and you'd think he would notice the lack of money or the fact that I'm sneaking illegal drugs into his house, but, he doesn't so that's good." I softly, I wouldn't blame them if they hated me – I hate me, let alone them – I have never felt so guilty in my whole life.

As I was expecting, Edward started to interrogate me with questions on what I have been doing while he was away.

First he asked, "What do you use to cut yourself, Bella?" He had a blank look on his face but I could see in his eyes that he is disappointed in me - all the Cullen's had that same look about them too.

I sighed, "Razor blades, broken bottles sometimes and anything else that I can find that is sharp." Then I added, "I think once when Charlie was at work I used one of the kitchen knives."

I heard a small gasp coming from my right, it was Alice. She was my best friend, she probably hates me now.

Edward continued to ask me questions. "What drugs are you on? Don't leave any out I want to know everything." He demanded coldly.

"Edward, please try to be civilized." Carlisle requested of his son while the rest of the family sat quietly glancing between Edward and I as we rallied question and answer, back and forth.

"I have taken ecstasy, LSD, crystal meth, cannabis, marijuana and heroin. Most of the time I inject the cannabis since it is my favourite and the rest just take as I see fit in that moment in time." I explained while Edward sat on the other sofa shaking his head.

Abruptly, Edward stood form his seat and strode around the table towards me. I unintentionally let out a small scream and I stood immediately and started to back away.

"No, Edward don't," Alice called.

"Come on dude, leave her," Emmett said.

Edward continued to advance towards me. It was evident he was angry at me but I never thought he would hurt me.

**A.N. I'm so evil! So this is chapter 2, hope you liked it. Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

I kept backing up away from Edward, the mask of hatred and disappointment plastered on his face never left since he found out that I was hurting myself.

My back hit the cold wall and I had nowhere left to go as Edward was right in front of me now. I still hadn't put my top back on so I was standing in the Cullen's living room in only my bra, cowering against the wall from Edward.

I screwed my eyes shut, thinking Edward was going to hit me. Him being so angry scared me, he is a vampire and much stronger than myself so if he struck me I would probably end up with a few broken bones and other injuries.

Nothing happened. I cautiously opened my eyes, wondering why nothing had happened. Edward was standing directly in front of me staring at the cuts and gashes on my broken body. His eyes held disappointment and sorrow while his face was nothing but guilt.

Edward lifted his right hand to my collarbone and traced the slashes there. My breathing quickened and I became frightened, he left me once because I was human, there is no doubt that he will leave me now for being a self harming, emo freak.

His long fingers moved from my collarbone to trace the line of dried blood running down my body.

"I don't understand Bella. Why? Why would you do this to yourself?" Edward said softly, most likely so that he didn't scare me anymore.

I hesitated before answering, "I already told you. You left me and I was broken. I wanted to hear your voice and the only why I could do that was to hurt myself and take drugs." My voice broke so many times in that sentence I lost count. I never wanted Edward or the rest of his family to find out that I was hurting my body this way. Guilt over came me and I shut my eyes again to stop the traitor tears from showing how upset I am.

The room was silent for a few minuets until Esme broke the silence, "We forgive you sweetheart," she said softly, "You needed a way to cope with what was happening in your life and you found it, of course it was not the healthiest option to choose but that can't be helped."

Esme was so much like a mother to me; I had no choice but to believe what she was saying – although I'm not sure that Edward agreed.

"I should get going." I mumbled, stepping around Edward and walking towards the rest of the family, I retrieved my discarded top and slipped it over my head. I gathered the rest of my belongings from the sofa and floor where I was previously sitting.

I gave a half-hearted smile and said a quiet goodbye before I headed for the front door of the large house.

"Come back soon Bella, we really missed you!" Emmett called to me as I stepped through the door.

Again tears started forming of my body's own accord, I blinked rapidly and held them back. "I'll try." I said, so quietly I'm not even sure they heard it, even if they are vampires with super sensitive hearing.

I quickly walked to my old red truck and hopped in the driver's side. Turning the key to start the engine in glanced at the house, only to see everyone standing at the door waving at me. I couldn't bring myself to wave back at them. Sometimes a person is just too broken for forgiveness.

I pulled out of the driveway and made my way back home.

Charlie was waiting for me when I arrived home. He called me into the kitchen saying that he needed a word with me.

"Bella, this is a very serious issue I need to discuss with you." Charlie started, I glanced up at him then lowered my eyes back to the floor, "Sit down Bella," he said, I sat down in the chair across the table from him and waited for him to continue. When he did he said, "Bella you are no longer a stable person, I can't trust you to make decisions about you life, health and well being in a reasonable manner."

Charlie's words confused me, "I don't understand. What does me making decisions have to do with anything?" I asked bewildered.

Charlie took a deep breath and told me his heart-breaking verdict. "I'm sending you to get help," he stated, my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets but before I could respond he quickly continued, "I found the blades in your bedroom, you left one on your floor, but, I also found others. I also noticed that I have been a bit short of cash these past few months too, and now I know why. Isabella how long do you think you could get away with this? Drugs? Honestly Bella I'm shocked!"

He was yelling by the end of his shocking speech. My eyes still looked like a bugs but I didn't care. The emotions racing through me where overwhelming. Shock. Rage. Sadness. Fear. And a wide range of other emotions. The emotion I ended with was anger.

I basically screamed at Charlie, "I don't need help! There is nothing wrong with me and I don't need help!"

"We are not having this discussion, you are getting sent to a mental institution and that's that!" Charlie yelled straight back at me.

I heard a car pull up outside. I ran too the window facing the road and saw a big white van, two men in white coats stepped out of the van and started for the house.

I screamed a blood-curling scream. I bolted for the stairs and sprinted up as fast as I could – miraculously without tripping and ran into my room. I slammed the door so hard that the mirror resting on my desk shook fiercely.

I could hear the men from the van and also Charlie making there way up the stairs to my bedroom. I backed away and into the corner farthest away corner from the door and curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth.

My room door smashed open and Charlie came bursting through.

"There she is. Grab her." He instructed the men, they came towards me and grabbed my forearms. I'm sure they where trying to be gentle but I was resisting and struggling so much that it did hurt.

"No! No! No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and I was dragged down the stairs and outside towards the prison that is the white van.

**A.N. chapter 3 is up, sorry about the wait, hope you enjoyed, review and I will continue.**


	4. Chapter 4

My breathing was coming in short, shallow gasps and my eyes where wide open. Reality had crashed down on me so hard that I was barely able to think straight. The enormity of the situation – being taken to a mental house, having to be dragged from my own home because of what I have done to myself – scared me to death.

What am I going to tell Edward? I asked myself, for this question I have no answer right now, no way of letting myself cope. I wanted to scream – at myself and the men driving the van – but I couldn't, I screamed so much when I was being taken out the house and a few minuets into this journey that my throat is sore.

The van jerked to a halt and the engine cut off. The men got out and came to the back door of the van to get me. I didn't see the use in protesting, my throat hurt so I couldn't yell and I was weak form struggling and also faint form the blood loos of my last cutting session a day ago.

The door open and they grasped my arm lightly but on the alert in case I tried to run for it. The building was very large and painted white, but I could see that all of the windows had bars across them – looks more like a prison in my opinion.

The double doors opened automatically when we approached, leading into a lobby area.

"Isabella Swan." The man on my left said and the receptionist looked up at him then to me.

She pushed her glasses up her nose slightly and then began sifting through a pile of papers cluttering her large wooden desk and said, "Room 229." She didn't seem to care much, but at least she was not staring at me because I am here.

I was lead down many corridors and up a few flights of stairs on the way to where I would be living for now. I could hear people shouting and banging from the other rooms in the building, it scared me slightly.

We came to a stop in front of a door with the number 229 on it; there was also a sliding metal plate to look into the room. The door was opened for me and I walked in slowly, looking around did not take long at all, the room was so small.

One of the men who escorted me here said, "Enjoy your stay," his voice seemed amused but cold and heartless at the same time, he wore a sickly smile as he continued, "You'll be here a while." They turned around and slammed the door behind them; I jumped at the loud noise. I heard the lock click on the other side of the thick metal door and their loud laughter echo as they walked away down the corridor.

My eyes started to water and sobs shook my body hard. I fell to my knees on the concrete floor and tears flowed freely form my eyes as I cried. I was locked in here and I had no way out, I also didn't know what was going to happen to me.

After what felt like forever, my sniffles died down and I calmed myself, I raised my head. There was a note on the pillow, a single piece of paper folded crisply in half and placed there as if someone wanted me to find it. Curiously I went over to examine it. Picking up the little note I read it.

_This place is not what you think._

_It is hell – literally._

_My advice to you is this:_

_Get out while you can_

_If you are reading this you have just arrived_

_Don't stay, leave while you can_

_And by any means necessary _

_Trust me_

_Signed, the previous occupant of this cell _

_P.S. look under the bed_

Look under the bed, what could that possibly mean? I asked myself. Doing as the note said, I placed the letter on the bedside table and got down on my hands and knees. I lifted up the bed covers and look to find what was under the bed.

A rope. I let out a shaky, breath I didn't even realize how much I missed home already. I stared at the rope, I knew exactly what the note meant, but I couldn't believe it. This place must have been really bad for something like this to be left here.

I don't know how long I sat on the floor staring at the rope in my hands, it felt like days, but was probably just hours. Unable to look anymore, I shoved the rope back under the bed, not yet knowing if I should believe the note from the last person in here or if I should just forget about it.

I stood up and glanced about the room. One window with bars over it, a single bed with simple covers, a small metal bedside table and a light bulb hanging between the iron beams on the ceiling above me.

Plain much? I asked myself. How was I meant to survive in here, it is practically a prison. A knock on the door snapped me out of my musings. The door opened and a very tall man entered my room. I did not trust anyone here, I started to back away to the other side of the confined space while the guy came further in and closed the thick door gently.

This guy had black glossy hair that fell in his grey eyes and he also wore a shirt that showed of his small amount of muscle. He looked me up and down a few times before speaking to me.

"Well, well, well, little miss Isabella, our newest arrival," he chuckled darkly before raising his eyes to mine and continuing, "I guess you are lucky, that I'm the first to meet you I mean, this could be so much worse. I'm Derek, by the way."

His words puzzled me, as did his attitude, his voice was cold and heartless but his facial features showed amusement – much like the men who escorted me here. He stalked over to me until he as right up in my face, I could smell his breath – it smelt like oranges.

"Mental patients must be punished for being inadequate in society." He whispered, I understood immediately, he left no doubt as to what kind of punishment he was referring too.

Without warning, Derek took a very small step away from me and raised his hand. As his hand collided with my right cheek, the force knocked me to the ground with a thud, my skull made a loud noise too as it hit the floor. My head hurt, a lot, I reached to touch where I was hit but I didn't get the chance because Derek's foot slammed into my ribs, making me cry out from the pain.

"Stop!" I screamed at him, "You can't do this, you can't! Stop!" This did not help much, he just continued to assault me.

Derek stopped kicking my now bruised ribs and knelt down beside me. My breathing was coming in short pants and most of my upper body hurt. I thought he was going to stop – for now at least.

I was wrong. He grabbed a large fistful of my hair and yanked me up. "Listen," Derek said, "You will say nothing, do anything or try anything, to get away. Cause it won't work." He grinned. I glared at him furiously. He chuckled and touched his free hand's index finger to the tip of my nose, "So cute." I spat at him and he just looked at me with a blank expression.

He dropped me down and turned to leave. "Bastard!" I yelled as he reached the door. Derek glanced at me and smiled but left and closed the door behind him.

I hate him. I thought, I hate this place and all the people here.

I licked my lips and tasted blood; I must have busted my lip when he dropped me. The tears once again started to fall and I began to cry. I just felt like screaming, but decided against it because it might bring Derek back – or someone else.

Feeling utterly helpless, I crawled over to my bed and curled up on my right side facing the wall. I cried for hours and hours. I wanted out. I missed being at home, although I hated my life before, it seriously sucked now.

I turned over, wincing because of my battered body, the folded paper caught my eye, and it was still there. Derek didn't know about the note or the rope.

The rope.

I know what I must do. It is clear what the note was meaning now. But can I really do it. I screwed my eyes shut and tried to clear my crowed mind.

What am I going to do?

**Good? Bad? Let me know. This chapter was hard so if it is not good help me so I cant make the next chapter better. Thanks**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning!!!! A bit graphic, not sure how people will respond. You have been warned.**

This is for the best, I told myself. Love, life, meaning, none of it matters. I've let Edward down, Alice too, and Carlisle and Esme and everyone else. Charlie was in on this and he single handedly forced me to my fate. But I wasn't about to let myself die at the disturbing hands of Derek. No one should die that way, no one.

I painfully sat up on my bed and tried – but didn't succeed – in calming down and clearing my cluttered mind. I lifted my gaze to the note and knew what to do. I could have chosen a less painful way to do this, but after everything that I have been through, done to myself and other people around me, I deserve this. I deserve to suffer.

With sure – surprising steady – movements I sprang up off of the bed and reached under it to get the rope. I stood with it in my hands and stared up at the beams on the ceiling. Taking one free end in my right hand – wincing slightly as the strain hurt my bruised body – I swung the rope over the beam and caught it when it came down the other side.

Looking carefully around the tiny room to find somewhere to attach the free end I just swung over the ceiling beam. Perfect, I said to my self when my gaze finally settled on the tough iron bars across the window.

I walked towards it with the rope in my hands. My footsteps sounded very loud for just walking. I came to a stop. The footsteps, however, continued. Shocked, my breathing immediately started coming faster and my heart rate accelerated.

"Isabell-a." A singsong voice called to me. It was Derek. I recognized his awful voice taunting me. It was _his_ footsteps I could hear echoing down the long corridor outside my room. "We did not finish getting acquainted." He chuckled through the door to me from down the hall.

I let out a small shriek, not loud enough for him to hear though. I sprinted to the window and tightly tied the rope around the iron bar. Crossing quickly back to the centre of the room where the rest of the rope lay and speedily made another knot in the opposite end.

The echoing footsteps where getting louder and closer every second, the tears started cascading down my cheeks that were flushed due to me speeding about, trying to get this done before Derek could torture me again.

God help me, I screamed in my head as I heard Derek chuckling and taunting my name again.

"Isabell-a." He said, closer now. Spinning around franticly, I needed to find something to stand on, and fast. The table. I ran over to it and thankfully it wasn't welded to the floor or anything so I hurriedly dragged it to under the rope.

I was full on sobbing now and I could hardly breath. Blinking the tears from my eyes, I stood up on the small metal table and pulled the tight knot over my head. I think I pulled some strands of my hair out as I did so but I was to intent on what I was doing to care.

The door of my room opened and Derek appeared with a large, sickening smile on his face, "Knock, knock," he said laughing lightly. When his grey eyes looked up and locked with my broken brown ones, he realized what I was doing.

"You wouldn't dare!" Derek spat at me, he still had not moved from his place in the doorway. He was furious, that much was easy to see, the vein in his head was pulsating with the anger. "This will only turn out worse for you, Isabella. If you stop this foolishness then I promise no harm will come to you." He said calmly to me. I could read him so simply. He was lying.

I smirked at him before replying, "Nothing matters anymore. I am in more pain staying alive than I am dead. You're so easy to read it's ridiculous." He still hadn't moved, I was curious as to why, although I probably won't be here long enough to find out.

Derek took a deep breath then tried once more to reason with me. "I can make everything all better," he said in a horribly sweet way, "Girls always feel better after I get to help them. Just don't be stupid."

My eyes slipped shut as I uttered my final words so quietly.

"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is hard."

I kicked the table out from under my feet. I shall never again know suffering, never know the depression I felt for the last four months of my life. I'm sorry Edward, I said to myself in my head. I always loved you.

The natural need for breath was becoming increasingly more powerful. My lungs burned from lack of oxygen and all of my emotions rushed to me at once.

Love; I loved Edward and all the Cullens.

Depression; The hollowness I felt while they were gone.

Relief; What I felt when I cut myself and took drugs to help the pain inside me.

Regret; I never told them I loved them, never kissed him, took my life when I knew all of them loved me and wanted me back.

Selfishness; I took my life to spare myself, no one else.

My body started to shut down, no oxygen was reaching my brain or muscles. My eyes shut and I had a headache form lack of air, moving was becoming difficult also. Eventually, I gave up. My scarred arms went limp at my sides, my legs hung beneath my dieing body and my head tilted back slightly. Never to regain consciousness, I slipped away into an easier way of surviving.

Death.

Edward's POV

I came down stairs and everyone was watching the news intently.

"What's going on?" I asked, Carlisle turned to face me, his thoughts cluttered but guarded and I could not comprehend them.

"Edward, there has been a situation." The normal light that his eyes naturally held was gone. I looked at the rest of my family sitting on the sofas and they looked the same. Alice came towards me and embraced me in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, sobs shook her tiny frame but she shed no tears. I didn't understand, not one of them would let me look into their thoughts for some kind of answer. Alice let go of me and went to sit back next to Jasper.

I was confused beyond belief. But then, Emmett – being the short attention spanned idiot he is – let loose part of what they were hiding from me. It was one word – _Bella_.

I suddenly realized, but did not completely understand, what this was about. "What's wrong with Bella?" I asked worriedly, "Is she okay?" My panic was growing by the minute and Jasper could feel it, so he sent calm my way to help. "Thanks Jazz." I said.

Carlisle sighed again, "Edward," He started, "I would like tell you, but, we all think that it is best if you see for yourself." This only served to confuse me more and Carlisle saw this, "Sit." He said.

I moved to sit beside Rosalie while Esme clicked the remote and the news came on the flat screen.

_Some rather shocking news has reached us this morning. _The newswoman began, _Isabella Swan, a local resident form Forks, Washington, was admitted to Los Angeles Mental Hospital yesterday afternoon. She had to be forcibly removed from her home premises after visiting her ex-boyfriend's home just out of town. Staff at the hospital say that she did not cause any trouble and seemed fine upon arrival._

_Employee, Derek Hutson, who was looking after Isabella commented, "Lovely girl, really sweet. When I saw her for the first time, she was very quiet and didn't say much, but, it was clear that she was suffering deep depression but I never thought her capable of doing this."_

_At 4.50pm when Mr. Hutson last checked on Isabella, he found her to have hung herself from the ceiling of her room. It is not yet clear how long she had been dead, further investigations are underway to find out when she died._

_Isabella's father, Charlie Swan, had this to say, "I –I can't believe that she is dead. My baby girl shouldn't have died that way. If it wasn't for that boy, Edward Cullen, leaving her she would not even of had to be in there."_

_Additional questioning later found out that Isabella was involved in drugs and was also using a razor blade to slice the skin on the wrists, her right fore arm as well as beneath her collarbone on her left side._

I was frozen still just staring at the screen. She can't be dead, no. My Bella is gone. The report continued.

_We have been given permission to show the pictures taken by Los Angeles Police Department of Isabella when she was found dead. Caution, you may find these pictures to be quite disturbing._

The pictures of Bella came onto the screen. What I saw was horrific. There was blood coming out of her nose and ears and her face had a blue tinge to it. Even though the picture of her was right in font of me, he death still seemed unreal to me.

Alice was so upset that Jasper led her outside to calm down, Esme and Rosalie were also crying. This was a sad moment for the whole family.

"Now I see why you wanted me to see it rather than you tell me." I said quietly. Esme came over and hugged me tight. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her fiercely back. "Will we be allowed to see her?" I asked Carlisle hopefully.

He shook his head, "No. I'm sorry, Edward. Charlie has requested – more demanded really – that we do not attend the funeral." I nodded in understanding. It was going to be a long eternity without Bella.

Esme released me and I reached into my back pocket. I pulled out the small velvet box and opened the lid. Inside sat my mother's engagement ring, the very ring I was going to use to propose to Bella next week. I couldn't live without her, no matter what had happened I never stopped loving her. Now she'll never get a chance to wear it.

Love, life, meaning, over.

**There it is, the end of my story. Was it as sad for you to read as it was for me to write? Anyways review please, I really want to know what you thought.**


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